you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
