You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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