Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
