Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
