He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
