just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
