Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
