Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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