you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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