did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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