I just threw up on my dentist
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
