I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
