I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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