the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
love makes seman taste better
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
