I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i've created a new STD.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
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