So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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