im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize