if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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