He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He has the fingertips of a God
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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