honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
