I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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