cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
