just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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