nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
