Welp...herpes.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
