I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
