she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize