so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
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