There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
