this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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