Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
