Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
