Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
