I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
