and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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