Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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