i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
the raccoons are back...
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