i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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