how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
These tits shall not be calmed
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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