I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My vagina just clenched in fear
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
