you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
