Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
