Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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