he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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