I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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