I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
