How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
