cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize