I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My dick has a subreddit
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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