Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
