I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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