Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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