Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
