did you get engaged???
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She bit a glass in half.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize