Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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