Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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