i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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