I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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