I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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