Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
