Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
