Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
