it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
