living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
