Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
