I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
