I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
50% drunk capacity currently
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
