I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize