my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
