i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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