After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
