areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
