I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
