dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
