Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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