i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
