Pants 0. Shit 1.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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