Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
