woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
