it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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