my mouth tastes like poor choices
well I can't set my house on fire every night
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
