She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
