Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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