Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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