yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
