i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
