I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
