uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
