His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize