you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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